Forget tiny chihuahuas peeping out of handbags à la Paris Hilton, <br>
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or Taylor Swift with her adorably grumpy looking Scottish Fold cats who have become celebrities in their own right. <br>
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When it comes to capturing my heart with a cuddly creature, it's <br>
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the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger, 75, who's reinvented himself as the internet's favourite granddad with his wholesome <br>
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life with a menagerie of animals, who has won me over.<br>
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The jewel in the crown of his ever-growing brood of beasts <br>
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is Schnelly the pig, who joined the family in April last year, <br>
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making the star the latest in a long list of celebrities to realise the joys of a <br>
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porky pal - along with Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus and the Beckhams. <br>
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I'm completely smitten with the cuteness of pet pigs.<br>
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I lose hours scrolling through Instagram, looking at pictures <br>
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of furry little piglets with pretty pink snouts.<br>
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There are 255,000 Insta posts with the hashtag #petpig and I've probably looked at <br>
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all of them. Then there's the 286,000 posts hashtagged #micropig and <br>
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I'd hazard a guess that I've seen all of those too.<br>
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So I'm rather excited to discover that there's a pig farm less than an hour from central London, where I can find out what it's <br>
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really like to have a porcine pet.<br>
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While celebrities might get away with turning up to photoshoots, TV appearances and fancy restaurants with all manner of furry creatures, <br>
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will I get the same reception if I take a pig for a stroll down the high street?<br>
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Samantha Rea from London strolling down the high street in Old Amersham with Astrid, a 16 month old <br>
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micro pig<br>
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The pair stopped off at The Griffin, a private members club, bistro and bakery, for some refreshments after a trot down the high street <br>
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Samantha Rea spent time at the Kew Little Pig Farm in Amersham, Buckinghamshire to learn how to muck out and <br>
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care for pigs <br>
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Learning how to feed hay to the pigs did make Samantha question whether it's easier to stick with a <br>
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dog or cat as a pet <br>
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I'm hoping the Kew Little Pigs Farm will help me find out.<br>
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It specialises in miniature pigs, which pig lovers can buy or 'adopt' to visit on the farm.<br>
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Then there are the day trips. The Piggy Pet & Play package lets visitors 'pet,<br>
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brush, groom, watch and play with the pigs.' The Pig Enthusiast package can include putting sun cream on the pigs, <br>
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and the Comprehensive Guide to Pig Keeping teaches you everything you need <br>
<br>
to know before buying your own micro pig.<br>
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Clearly I must go there!<br>
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And so I head to Amersham, in Buckinghamshire, where Kew Little Pigs Farm is based.<br>
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When I arrive, owner Olivia Mikhail looks slightly concerned <br>
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at the sight of my Converse trainers and cropped jeans, a combination that <br>
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will surely result in splattered shins.<br>
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However, Olivia has no idea just how prepared I actually am, because I have packed not only knee high wellies for my time on the farm, but also my designer heels,<br>
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for my glimpse into what life's like as a pig-owning celebrity.<br>
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Arnold Schwarzenegger with Schnelly the pig, who joined his menagerie of pets <br>
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in April last year<br>
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Ariane Grande and Pete Davidson adopted Piggy Smallz <br>
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during their short-lived romance in 2018<br>
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Comedian John Bishop was left devastated when his rescue pig Milo passed away last year, describing him as the 'heartbeat' <br>
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of the family<br>
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Paris Hilton started the chihuahuas in handbags craze, and is <br>
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also the proud owner of Princess Piglette<br>
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George Clooney, Paris Hilton, Miley Cyrus, Jonathan Ross, Charlotte Church <br>
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and even the Beckhams have all kept pigs as pets over the <br>
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past decade or so, while more recently Ariane Grande <br>
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and Pete Davidson adopted Piggy Smallz during their short-lived romance. <br>
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Comedian John Bishop gave rescue pig Milo a home for more than a decade and was devastated when the <br>
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pet passed away, saying he was the 'heartbeat' of the family.<br>
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They're as much a celeb accessory as oversized sunglasses - which is <br>
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why I've brought those with me too.<br>
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But first things first. Before I spend an afternoon taking a petite pig for a stroll, I sit down with <br>
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Olivia in the Kew Little Pigs cafe, to complete the theory side of <br>
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the Comprehensive Guide to Pig Keeping.<br>
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It turns out there is quite a lot of admin involved in owning a <br>
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pig, alongside a rule book thicker than Harry Potter. <br>
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Who knew that you needed a license to walk a pig?<br>
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Who would imagine that you can't feed pigs your kitchen leftovers?<br>
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It used to be common practice, but has been banned because of the risk of diseases such as African swine flu and foot <br>
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and mouth disease that can be spread by consuming contaminated pork products. <br>
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Who can fathom having to fill out a form to drive your pig from one place to another - again for disease control reasons? <br>
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After all the admin and mucking out, Samantha was delighted to move <br>
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on to the fun part - cuddles with Astrid <br>
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Samantha found that mucking out the pig pen was actually a lot more civilised than picking up poo on a dog walk <br>
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Samantha came armed with wellies for her day <br>
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at the farm, but made sure to keep it glamorous <br>
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After swapping her flimsy trainers for wellies, Samantha felt equipped to tackle her day on the <br>
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farm <br>
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And who would guess that pigs have to have their own house?<br>
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I mean, it's only got to be about the size of shed, but it's actually a law to uphold welfare standards.<br>
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I suppose none of this is an issue for celebrities who have people to do paperwork for <br>
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them - not to mention acres of space - but to me it seems insurmountable.<br>
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Olivia senses that my dreams are crushed and attempts <br>
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to reassure me: 'It's really not that much paperwork.<br>
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Look, filling in this form would take two minutes.' <br>
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Moving on from the theory, we head outside for the practical part of the course.<br>
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Here, in large pens, are lots of little pigs which are super cute, so this <br>
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makes me happy.<br>
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I am given a rake to claw the pig poo into a dustpan. Both <br>
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the rake and the dustpan have long handles and I like the <br>
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distance this creates. It is certainly more civilised than picking up poo in a flimsy <br>
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plastic bag on a dog walk. <br>
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Clearing away pig excrement with proper equipment which <br>
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allows you to maintain a civilised, and sanitary, distance makes me wonder if - despite the paperwork <br>
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- pigs might just trump dogs.<br>
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Samantha was worried she might attract stares walking Astrid through town, but nobody batted an eyelid <br>
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Samantha treated herself to a hot chocolate while Astrid enjoyed some pig treats <br>
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Samantha swapped her wellington boots for high heels to glam <br>
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up to take her pet pig down to the town centre for lunch<br>
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Taking a pig out for a walk is trickier <br>
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than it looks, and a lot of treats are required to keep things on track <br>
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Next, Olivia asks if I would like to feed the pigs. Yes of course!<br>
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She hands me some hay that's stuffed inside what's basically a <br>
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large fishnet stocking, the size of Santa's sack. The hay sticks out <br>
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of all the holes, and it's my job to hang up the sack in the pig pen, so the pigs can eat from it.<br>
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This sounds easy. Only it's not. 'NOT THERE! NO! IT'S GOT TO BE HIGHER!<br>
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TIE IT ROUND THE POST! NO! NOT LIKE THAT!<br>
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NO!'<br>
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I feel like a failing contestant on The Crystal Maze, only this is worse because I'm now surrounded by hungry pigs and I cannot <br>
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see a panic button.<br>
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I swear there was something on Netflix where murdered bodies were dumped in a pig pen, to be <br>
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eaten by the pigs. Or maybe the bodies were <br>
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eaten alive. This definitely happens all the time, according to TV, and <br>
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now I don't even know which is worse, the prospect of being felled by pigs eating through <br>
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my ankles, or the pressure to hang the hay correctly.<br>
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It is like my challenge on The Crystal Maze has been especially devised to amuse the inhabitants of hell.<br>
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I find myself grateful to make it out of the pig pen alive.<br>
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Surely I get to do celebrity stuff now?<br>
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Celebrities' pigs are as stylish as their owners, so I've sourced <br>
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designer outfits for my trottered chums. I'd initially looked at diamond chokers by Dior, because <br>
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what pig wouldn't want a diamond collar? But apparently pigs are happier in harnesses, which fit around the <br>
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body, not just the neck.<br>
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I hunt for a harness that an A-lister might pick for their pig, and I am delighted to discover a pink leopard print harness with a matching lead. <br>
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It is by Urban Pup, a pet fashion brand whose website I've now spent more time on than all the other <br>
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websites in my search history.<br>
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There's the zebra print, the cheetah print, the pink argyle; the <br>
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florals, the tartans, and the hearts. There's the range inspired by Legally Blonde and the pet carrier that <br>
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resembles a pink Chanel handbag.<br>
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Then there are the socks…<br>
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I turn up at the farm with more outfits for the pigs than I have for myself.<br>
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I guess this is what it's like being a pig parent: #SELFLESS<br>
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I am introduced to Astrid, a 16 month old micro piglet who'll fulfill my dreams of <br>
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walking a pig. I show Olivia all the outfits I've brought from Urban Pup <br>
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and she picks out a pink tartan harness with a matching lead.<br>
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I want to dress up all the pigs but Olivia says no. That's <br>
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OK. There is probably some law about only one pig at a time <br>
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looking this stunning.<br>
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When Astrid and I are dressed, we head into Old Amersham.<br>
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It's a pretty market town in the Chilterns with <br>
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cobbled streets and quaint white buildings with <br>
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beams.<br>
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So how will locals feel about a pig on a lead?<br>
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I imagine I may be sternly spoken to by a member of the Women's <br>
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Institute. However, it turns out that Old Amersham is perfectly au fait with <br>
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celebrity antics, given that Poirot, Midsomer Murders and Four Weddings and a <br>
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Funeral have all been filmed there.<br>
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On my pig keeping course I have learnt that pigs never poo where they eat, sleep or socialise, because they're <br>
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very clean, so from day one, without any training, a <br>
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pig will go outside to poo.<br>
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I am surprised then, as I arrive in Old Amersham, to find that Astrid has done her business in her carry box.<br>
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I try not to think about this, as I hold her lead.<br>
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Our first stop is the Amersham Museum. I'm not a massive <br>
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fan of walking around looking at things, but I hear the museum homes a Tudor <br>
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dining table that visitors are welcome to sit at.<br>
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It is about lunchtime, so I'm hopeful I'll be served a Tudor banquet.<br>
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I quite fancy a tankard of wine and a bit of wild boar.<br>
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Unfortunately, Astrid does not, and so, despite being welcomed by <br>
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museum director Briony, we leave pretty much as soon as we arrive.<br>
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We go for a stroll instead, but I have to scatter pig food pellets <br>
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to coax Astrid along the pavement. I guess celebrities <br>
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get their assistants to walk ahead, trailing treats to entice the pet pigs in the right direction. <br>
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Hard at work: Writer Samantha Rea tried the Comprehensive Guide to Pig Keeping, <br>
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which teaches you everything you need to know before buying your own micro pig<br>
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However, doing it without an assistant, I find myself thinking that it's <br>
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definitely easier to walk a dog.<br>
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Celebrity life is about lounging in luxurious surroundings, so Astrid and I head to The Griffin, a private members club, <br>
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bistro and bakery, that's pretty much the Soho House <br>
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of Amersham.<br>
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In the beamed building that dates back to the 17th <br>
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century, there are gorgeous leather sofas and <br>
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cosy cushions. However, I have learnt on my <br>
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pig keeping course that pigs are happiest alfresco, so <br>
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Astrid and I take a seat on the astro-turf terrace,<br>
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beneath a pretty parasol that wouldn't be out of place in a Cotswolds <br>
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shoot for Tatler.<br>
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It is here, as we relax like A-listers, that Astrid and I are at our happiest.<br>
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As I sip a coffee and eye-up a chocolate <br>
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brownie (I'm being a celebrity, remember, I don't actually eat these things),<br>
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Astrid puts her trotters up on the seat beside me and enjoys <br>
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a few pig food pellets.<br>
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Clearly this is our natural environment, so it's probably just a matter of <br>
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time before Astrid is snapped up by a celebrity to live life <br>
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first class. <br>
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But for now, Astrid must mooch back to the mud, and I must head home to wash pig poo off <br>
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my wellies.<br>
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I am chuffed to bits to have spent an afternoon with Astrid, but as I think it all over, on the train back to <br>
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Marylebone, I know that I'll never keep a pig as <br>
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a pet. <br>
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Aside from all the legal red tape, my lack of space in London, and the trickiness of trying to take a <br>
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pig for a walk, there's always the fear that the micro pig might turn out to be not so tiny after all. <br>
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I've seen headlines about 4 ounce "teacup" pigs growing bigger than a bear, <br>
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and frankly I find it terrifying. So I'll leave the pet pigs <br>
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to the celebrities. <br>
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LondonParis Hilton<br>
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Forget tiny chihuahuas